Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tough Love Thursday: Live Your Life Now
Today I'm feeling quite inspired with lots to say and the result was a pretty long status update on Facebook that I would like to elaborate on without mincing words. Here's what I wrote this morning (I will split it into paragraphs for an easier read) followed by some other goodies:
"So excited about my life, my dreams and all the possibilities. I feel unlimited and inspired and ready to take on the world!:) Every hour feels like a day and every day feels like a lifetime to me so I don't waste any of those precious moments on shit that won't inevitably take me where I want to go.
My biggest dream is coming to fruition now because I finally stopped feeling undeserving of it, and I look forward to standing in the midst of it and be able to say, 'This is what I have wanted and been moving towards all my life'. It's never too late. We are always right on time.
We are all given the same 24hrs each day to work with so how are you using yours? Every hour and day not spent on creating the life of your dreams is an hour and day you will never get back so deal with the shit that's holding you back and move on to the life you want and deserve. Dream as big as you can and devote your life to making it a reality.
You owe it to the world to be happy and fulfilled on every level. You can change it all right now no matter what has happened before. You might be like, 'But...but..but..'. Well I don't want to hear it. News Flash: we all have shit to deal with and 99% of us have shitty pasts. None of us feel good enough. Most of us hate ourselves. So what. That's everyone's story. Welcome to life. Now recreate it.
Do what you need to do to claim what's yours. True success is born of the hell we have endured and overcome so man up, do your inner work and go after the things you want even though it's terrifying, even though you don't feel worthy yet, even though you believe you're too this and too that. It's all bullshit anyways because you're good enough as you are right now and you are meant to have the dreams you desire.
You and your distorted beliefs are the only thing holding you back from what you want. You can't blame circumstances are other people for the way your life sucks because you are 100% responsible for every bit of your experience and the world is filled with people who have been through just as much, if not more than you, and they have found a way to rise above it. You can too.
Don't be like the masses who are content with mediocrity, misery and poverty consciousness. Wake up because this is YOUR life and every hour matters more than you think. The moments just keep collecting until we're gone so use them wisely while you've got them, folks. Quit believing you have all the time in the world. You don't. You only have this moment and you're never guaranteed the next. LIVE YOUR LIFE NOW."
Phew! I had fully intended to write an update but it turned into a mini novel;) It all felt quite urgent to express and afterwards my bestie and I had a fabulous and lengthy chat about it (as well as a number of other things that I think are quite relevant to those on the sacred path), so I would like to share some additional thoughts regarding the process of transforming yourself and your life. Here we go, hotties!
1. The world is fucked, as are most of the people in it.
Put in a less harsh and more spiritually centered way, most of us are completely out of alignment with who we really are and the result is pain, suffering, violence, addictions and other forms of destruction. We are bred into insanity and then spend our lives feeling like we're going crazy because it IS insane and crazy out there (and consequently in here) and very few of us have healthy role models to follow; least of all society and the warped messages it sends.
So if you feel like you might be nuts, I'd like to reassure you that you are responding quite appropriately to the fuckery that surrounds you on a daily basis. Stop blaming yourself for all the symptoms of your misalignment (depression, addiction, anxiety, weight issues etc) and know that you are not to blame for the ways you need to cope with what you've been raised into. It's not your fault. It's how you're trying to survive until you find a better way and that's ok. Easy does it, hot stuff. Being sane and balanced in a world gone mad is one of the most difficult tasks for any of us. So if you need support to get through each day, get it. That might mean counselling, supportive friendships, classes, medication, art therapy, exercise, adequate sleep or the million other things that can help you along your path.
2. It's easier to play a victim than it is to take responsibility for ourselves and our life.
So when I say don't blame yourself, it's not the go ahead to start blaming everyone else for all the ways you're suffering. That's not healthy either. Too many of us blame society, our families, our exes, our past, big corporations and/or the government for our plight in life but that's just a cop out and solves nothing. They aren't the ones thinking your thoughts or preventing you from succeeding in life. You are. You are not powerless at all and they these people or systems have no power over what goes on inside you. Many people have risen to greatness despite and because of all the negativity and repression that surrounded them. Be one of them.
3. Most people don't want to see you happy. Be happy anyways.
This makes sense when you think about all the people who hate their life, their job, their relationship or you. Your happiness would make any miserable person hate you even more. It's not personal; it's only natural. When I was depressed I thought every happy person was faking it and those stupid happy people drove me fucking nuts. I wanted to smack that stupid fake smile of their stupid happy face because I could not even imagine how anyone in the world could be that happy. I couldn't relate at all because I loathed myself every minute of the day. Joy was foreign to me, and definitely to my family, and I could not see beyond my own limited experience of life. I was only familiar with the dark side. My pain ran too deep to see much light.
I eventually got there (here...to the other side of pain) but it has been quite the journey to get here. Growing up, happiness was not tolerated for long because broken people can't stand when you're happier then they are. It makes them uncomfortable. In my family, my mom made sure I never stayed happy for long by criticizing me until I came down from the high of feeling good about any aspect of myself. I learned that lesson young and spent the rest of my life being just as critical to myself which made it really hard to appreciate my accomplishments and my being for years to come.
Depression, however, was always received well by my mom because she could relate to that 100%. She was always most loving to me when I was in emotional pain, but intolerant of any anger I displayed, and overly critical if I felt the least bit good.
I am not criticizing my mom for this because she did they best she could with what she was given, as did her mother and her mother's mother. I am sharing this to demonstrate what underlies the issue of others seeking to bring you down. It is never about you. It's about their own pain that they have yet to heal. It hurts them to see you happy because they have yet to find that happiness within. Your higher frequency really shakes them up but that is no reason to meet them at their level. You deserve to feel good no matter what and only you can make that happen. Be an example. They need it. We all do.
4. Martyrdom is so not hot.
I may ruffle a few feathers with this one but it needs to be said; especially to women. Martyrdom is so not hot. Serving others while neglecting yourself is not admirable at all. You belong right up there with everyone else, pretty lady. Pinky swear. Why have you deemed someone else more important than you? Why are you going broke for them to thrive? Why are you meeting their needs but ignoring your own? Why do they get to drain you and keep you up at night so that they can sleep soundly? That's just not right. Or healthy. You deserve better.
You deserve the kind of treatment you bestow upon others and if you're hoping and waiting for the day when someone will give it to you, you'll probably be waiting a really long time. Most martyrs are instinctively drawn to people who take advantage of them so you can't expect those same people to be there in the same way for you as you are for them. Most often they won`t be there when you need them. Sad, but true.
If you want to change that dynamic, you have to change yourself by setting new boundaries, putting yourself and your well-being at the top of your list, saying no, and deciding to hang out with people who actually care about your needs as much as their own. Easier said than done, I know, but people will only treat you the way you treat yourself.
No need to blame these parasites for all of their taking though because you taught them it was ok. Your over-giving and self-scrificing nature invited them in and perfectly demonstrated what you believe to be true: everyone else's needs are more important than yours.
The people around you cannot be faulted for acting in accordance with your beliefs, so if you're sick of feeling burnt out, resentful, used, undervalued, and taken for granted, you need an inner shift. You need to look within and ask yourself why you need to feel needed, why you feel the need to fix others, why you do not feel worthy of your own love, and why you can't say no to them and yes to yourself.
5. No one but you (and me) will give you permission to change something. Don`t let that stop you.
More often than not, the people around us are invested in us staying exactly where we are. Therefore, it`s up to you to make the decision to change even if others might throw a hissy fit because of it. Unless you have a really super and supportive partner, mother, father etc already, you will rarely hear someone you love say 'Sure, go change in a BIG way and I'll deal with it no problem!'. Change is uncomfortable for everyone and when you change it forces everyone around you to change as well to match the new you. Some people can do that without much fuss but some can`t handle it and that`s when there`s a split.
If you start feeling better about yourself than those around you are used to, it might make them feel insecure, threatened or scared. That`s natural because they have no idea what these new changes will mean for them and your relationship. It`s human nature to hang on to the way things were, even if there`s something better on the horizon, because we are all most comfortable with what`s familiar.
So let`s say you have been married for years and you have been overweight most of your life. Then one year you lose all the weight and feel way more energized, confident and happy. Maybe even happier then you`ve ever been because you get to wear all these new clothes in these new sizes and you feel like a different person or maybe you just feel like the person you were always meant to be.
You`d think your hubby would be totally happy for you and hot for this new version of the woman he adores, but sometimes that isn`t what happens. He might feel quite resistant to the new you because maybe he was struggling with weight too and feels shitty that now he is on his own. Or maybe he fears your increased confidence will attract more men and that maybe you`ll be tempted to leave him; something he might not have worried about in the past if you felt badly about yourself. So you may start to receive guilt trips, snide remarks or other things that might make you question if you did something wrong or that maybe you`re the one responsible for his feelings. You`re not. His issue, not yours.
If you`re a hottie who wants to be empowered, you are going to have to accept that many of the choices you make to better your life may not necessarily be supported by those around you unless they share the same goals. That is not a reason to stop growing.
Of course it doesn`t feel good when those we love don`t approve of something we do, but it feels even worse to live a life based on the desires and opinions of others. That is no life at all.
You`re here for you and to share your awesomeness with everyone else. You get to decide what you want and go after it. You don`t need their permission and you certainly don`t need mine. You just need a reason to want more for yourself, because once you do, you`ll get it.